When a relationship is doing more harm to you than good, it’s
time to quit it. We share 4 signs to help you determine when a relationship is doing more harm to you
than good.
ABUSE
Be it physical or emotional abuse, any type of abuse is a
glaring sign that you should quit the relationship. Please don’t be lenient
with abuse or make excuses for it; simply let go and move on because abuse is
one of the clearest ways to communicate a lack of care, love and respect for
someone. Abuse does not go hand in hand with love, if anything they are polar
opposites.
Although, one thing to note here is that emotional abuse is more
relative than physical abuse. For instance, there is arguably a degree of
emotional abuse in every relationship. When you try to control your partner or
influence them emotionally to act or behave in a certain way, by ignoring them
(ignoring their calls, messages etc), refusing to talk to them (the silent
treatment), being provocative with the other sex (trying to make them jealous)
and so on, to a degree that’s emotional abuse. These are all elements of
emotional abuse that are born from the very fair fact that we are human. But
when emotional abuse becomes dangerous, is when you begin to lose your
confidence and live in fear of what your partner is going to do to you next
emotionally.
LIES
If anyone you are in a relationship with, be it a romantic
relationship or a friendship, constantly lies to you or finds it difficult to
tell you the truth, it communicates a lack of trust and a lack of respect for
you. If you can’t trust the person(s) you are in a relationship with, things
remain unsettled. Such lack of trust can lead to paranoia (an intense feeling
of anxiety, fear and unrest) for you, which is very unhealthy. Without trust,
there is no point remaining in the relationship and continuing to torture
yourself emotionally.
THEY NEVER ADMIT THEIR FAULTS
This is one thing most people ignore as a red flag in a
relationship, probably because they don’t understand just how important it is.
When someone finds it difficult to admit they are wrong, the
next thing they do is pass the blame. Now when you are constantly at the
receiving end of the blame, even if you are fine with constantly saying you are
sorry, you allow what is called a “cognitive dissonance” to be formed in your
mind. This means that as you continuously act in a way that contradicts your
beliefs, eventually your beliefs will change to align with your actions. In
other words, after a while you will begin to believe you are the one who is
always wrong and start to doubt your ability to perceive what’s right and
wrong. Eventually, it ends up affecting your ability to make decisions and be
assertive as individual, and you end up constantly feeling confused, having
lost confidence in yourself and abilities. It’s truly a terrible place to be,
so please don’t let any relationship take you there.
CONSTANT FEELING OF BEING OVERWHELMED
When you constantly feel overwhelmed by your relationship,
almost like you can’t get a break; when you look back and can’t remember any
significantly joyful memory in your relationship, you should acknowledge that
it is abnormal.
As much as a relationship can at times bring you sadness, it
should also bring you joy. If all you can remember when you think back on you
relationship, is a long thick dark tiring stretch of fights, pain and sadness,
with little or no joy, that’s not appropriate. Relationships may not
generally be very easy but they should not suck the life out of you, leaving
you miserable and unhappy.
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