Why our women should also be careful not to turn their husbands into a 'wife beater'

Written By

Abdulhafeez “Hafeesto’nova” Onitilo

For the record, let me state that I am against any form of violence against women and even men because whether we choose to accept it or not, some men actually get violated by women but that's not the topic for today. 

It is an 'animalistic' behaviour for a man to raise his hand on any woman let alone the woman he has chosen to make his wife. Part of being a husband aside from being the provider and all that is that you are also meant to be a protector of your wife but unfortunately some men have turned their wives into punching bags by violating them in all sort of manner. I would say it once again, IT IS WRONG FOR A MAN TO BEAT A WOMAN. 

Now to the main reason why I have decided to pen my opinion about what seem like an increase occurrence of female celebrity getting beaten up by their husbands. Now before I go on I want you to know that I am not writing this base on the Mercy Aigbe or Tonto Dikeh issue, I am writing this base on what might be happening to every man and woman out there that we have chosen to ignore probably because we feel their story won’t make us trend on social media compared to that of these celebrities. I for one have seen a lot of couple in my street fight but I haven’t witnessed any form of violence from the man towards his wife or vice versa, yes I must say I have heard stories but then again I don’t judge that which I didn’t bear witness to which is the point I would be driving at today.

Just like when a girl is being raped, we are always quick to defend the victim and cast the offender, which of course I am not against, it is indeed another animalistic behaviour for a man to rape a woman or vice versa but at times before we cast the stone I feel it is only rational for us to try to understand the circumstances that led up to the event. I know many would say in the case of rape the circumstances doesn’t really count and most times the man is just full of evil, all this I don’t disagree but I have also come to know that in life for every reaction there was an action. When it comes to domestic violence between a man and his wife most times just like rape all we hear of how the man battered the woman and how much pain the woman is in, now I stand to be corrected no man on earth would suddenly raise his hand on a woman without a little form of aggression from the woman. What I mean by aggression here is that the woman must have done something that would make the man come to the decision of hitting her, the man won’t just wake up one morning and say I want to beat my wife unless that woman is a slave which is even still rare.

I would still say it again IT IS WRONG FOR A MAN TO BEAT A WOMAN, no matter what the woman must have done but then again we should understand we are human and as human sometimes we let our emotions or should I say weakness get the better of us. Every time I go to bed I ask the Almighty that whenever I decide to marry he shouldn’t give me a wife that would turn me into a woman beater. As silly as this prayer might sound, I have to say this is a prayer point for every man out there that is planning to get married. I tell people marriage is a different ball game entirely, it goes beyond I love you and all that, love is what would walk you down the aisle but love isn’t the only thing that would keep you there. Here is a quick story, there is this man on my street, and there is no day he and his wife won’t shout at each other and on most occasions the woman is always at fault but she would never agree to the fact. Two days ago, they were at it again and this time around the man was very angry that he left the house for her, he returned at night hoping the wife would have been calm but that wasn’t the case, the devil in the woman was still very much awake and they were at it again, that night the man had to call his brother's wife to come to the house and when that one came, that man was in tears saying he was feed up of the wife, he said if not that he doesn’t want to offend God, he would have hit the woman and that's is where I am going. 

This man had the fear of God in him he knows that beating a woman is a sin in the eyes of the Lord and that was the only reason why he had not lay his hands on her. Every man has his limit and when they are pushed to that limit they act irrational and it is that irrational behaviour that would lead a man into beating a woman, not that I am trying to be disrespectful here but we all know that at times women can be frustrating and nothing makes a man more mad than a frustrating woman. When celebrity marriage crashes, most time the husbands her always seen as the monster because that is when you begin to hear case of domestic violence and all that but the truth of what really happened would never come to light. In a fight most people don’t say what went wrong, they tell you what makes their action justifiable or their suffering not acceptable and that is exactly what most celebrity couples are doing. 

Like I said I don’t judge that which I didn’t bear witness and I would advise every one of us to also be like that and if you are going ahead to give your judgment try to know all the facts, put yourself in their shoes and see if the outcome will be different. There are a lot of rumours concerning Mercy Aigbe and her husband Lanre, with the husband denying the fact that he violated her in anyway and Mercy saying otherwise and we the social media supporters group have chosen sides, with most of course siding with Mercy while we forget the most important question, what action led to this reaction. When you marry someone for seven years and there wasn’t any form of violence then all of a sudden, you make one small mistake, he decided to beat you to the point that you had to go for brain scan, I think a lot of questions need to be ask, not only from Lanre but also from Mercy. Like I said earlier on, unless a woman is a slave (which is even still rare), a man won’t just lay his hands on her and as much as that reaction might be wrong we also need to question what triggered it. Back to the story I told, if the man had decided to beat his wife, we all would have crucified him without even understanding what he was going through at that particular point in time. 

No man was born a woman beater, for every man that has laid hands on his wife, something must have triggered that animal behaviour in them, and so as much as we are preaching against domestic violence I think we should also preach that women shouldn’t turn their husbands into a woman beater because for every action there is a reaction and before we justify the reaction we should also take a lot at the action. Thank you