We have all had
our hearts broken. When it happens to you personally, it’s devastating and
while people can relate, they aren’t in that moment. The pain is there and it’s
real for you. Sometimes it feels like you’re completely helpless and you’ll
never get past the suffering. The important things to remember are that there
are people there for you and that there is always a light at the end of the
tunnel and ways to help you get there. Here are a few ways to assist you on
your road to peace and happiness again.
1. Don’t Contact The Ex
This
honestly is rule #1 in a break up. Keep your distance and don’t text,
email, meet in person or call. You should probably take them off your
Facebook or any other social networks while you’re at it. This doesn’t
have to be permanent but while you’re vulnerable to any mean or in
contrast loving words, it’s best not to have their voice in your
head. The risk of getting back into a relationship when it wasn’t working
is high. You may also end up in a war of words causing further hurt and
anxiety. Cutting the ties for good when it’s over puts you on a faster path to
healing.
2. Let Your Emotions Out
Cry,
sob your eyes out, scream and yell. Act in whatever way gets you through the
pain you may be feeling. When people kindly and humorously tell you all break ups
are hard, it’s because they are. Don’t take this part of the healing process
away from yourself or it festers within your body. You will naturally feel some
negative emotions no matter how essential your break up was. Honor your
feelings and know that they will get less intense the more that you let them
out. It helps you move past them!
3. Acceptance
Coping
with the end of a relationship is a little bit like a 12 step program. You will
reach acceptance far sooner by staying away from that person. This strategy
relies on time more than anything else but there are ways to move it
along. Look at the situation objectively, even if you didn’t agree to the
breakup. If they didn’t love you anymore, that’s really sad and you will cry a
lot when you accept it. If you both agreed because it just wasn’t working,
don’t overanalyze what could have been different. In the moments you were in
the relationship, that’s when your actions mattered. They don’t anymore. Your
mission now is to get to the place where you aren’t battling with yourself
about the way things are. Do this with compassion and don’t beat yourself up.
It may take some time for the mind to catch up with reality but in the
meantime, accept that the relationship has ended.
4. Find Yourself
Chances
are, you lost a piece of yourself in the relationship. Now is your chance to
find you again and this should be fun. This is one of the more positives to
your break up so embrace it. Maybe you let go of a hobby you used to love to do
or stopped taking scented baths. You can eat salad and granola bars for dinner
if you feel like it. There are a lot of personal things that made you special,
you just have to find them again and get the feeling back. Alternatively, you
may have grown in the relationship which means you can discover new things
about yourself.
5. Have Fun
When
you’re ready to authentically have fun again, get your girlfriends together and
go out. Go dancing, go shopping, go on a roller coaster. Do something that
makes you smile, laugh and feel good inside. I once went to haunted house where
things jumped out at me and scared me half to death. This was so therapeutic.
Be spontaneous and silly. Enjoy your life.
6. Pay Attention to your Thoughts
As you
look to move forward in your life, don’t deny or grasp on to your ex’s memory.
They may pop into your mind as a memory of a moment where you were happy (or
not). Acknowledge it, smile or cry. Let the memory go instead of clinging onto
it. Don’t intentionally look at pictures or look at old texts you got from him.
It’s now about you and your present moments. Your ex is a part of the
person you are today and you can be grateful to them for that but the chapter
with them is gone.
7. Acknowledge your Vulnerability
Don’t
bounce into another relationship too quickly, thinking that you’re okay. It is
probably the best quick fix out there but at the same time, you never really
get over your ex. In the long run you haven’t actually gotten over your ex and
when your next relationship ends, you’ll have two ex’s to get over. You’re just
prolonging the inevitable pain.
8. Meditate
Whatever
life throws at you, meditation is always one of those things that can bring you
back to yourself and your center. This one discipline can assist you in all the
complicated emotions you have about yourself and your heart. Getting to the
heart of your pain and the reasons things didn’t work out is a miracle worker
if you’re willing to sit with it.
Follow
these eight steps to work through all the aftermath of a break up, then
breathe, smile, and move on!
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