There is always that one person who will
always have your heart.
If you are thinking the statement sounds like
something from a cheesy love song, you would be right. It actually is the first
line of the awesome duet by Alicia Keys and Usher titled 'My Boo'. At the time
it was released in 2004, I was still a dreamy teenager ...although I had
already had my 'first love' experience and nursed a heartbreak or two already
as well. In fact, I remember buying the then NGN50 pamphlet that contained
lyrics to popular songs just to learn all the lines of the song. That was how much
I loved the song... and of course, there was also the fact that it reminded me
of Ikenna*.
Ikenna and I had met and fallen madly in love
at the time I was 6. He was 8 at the time. It sounds ludicrous... who falls in
love at 6 and knows it for sure...right? I remember it clearly though, the
first day I noticed him.
My best friend Ngozi and I had been in class,
starring out the window, laughing at basically anything that caught our
interest when he strode past us on his way to the toilet. He wore very conspicuous
bow legs and extra droopy shoulders. My eyes had trailed him to the boy's
privy, and before I could stop myself, I found my legs walking my short body
towards the same lavatory, right after him. Honestly, I had no plan. I just
stood outside and waited for him to come out. And when he did, I said hello. He
said hello back and we stared at each other for a while and he walked away.
Having always been shy, words failed me. I stood there and watched him walk
away from him.
It was the same way I stood and watched him
walk away from me exactly 17 years later after he said to me he was getting
married and asked to know my thoughts on the song he chose to be played when he
walked down the aisle: Omawumi's "Love nwa anti nti." Perhaps
I could have stopped him and told him I would be different, I would be less
stubborn, learn to love him the way he wanted also, that he was "the
one". But I didn't. I loved him, but he was not my "one". I
always knew the day would come when I'd have to let him go forever, and I guess
I was already mentally prepared for it.
I have since moved on. Yes, a few times I have
whispered his name out of the blues and for no reason imagined what it would
have been like if I had married him and his beautiful babies were mine, even
occasionally stalked him on social media...but I have never contacted him or
reached out. Not that there is any bitterness or loathing. No. I have never
felt like my life was incomplete without him or anything that dramatic either.
In fact, I always say this: If I never find love again, I wouldn't be utterly
broken really, because I already have had one pure and great one,
even if we did not get a forever after. This is because I am okay with the fact
that we did not end up together and I appreciate the lessons learned. He showed
me that love could be magic... and with him, I learned how to love and be loved
back. He made me realize that I deserved to be loved despite my imperfection,
and that is enough.
I never knew how he felt about us, our past
and not ending up together e.t.c, so when he called a few days ago and we had a
unique chat i was a little surprised. It was weird when I saw his
incoming call because it wasn't my birthday and I wasn't celebrating anything
(Although we never talked anymore. He religiously sent me birthday messages and
Christmas messages that I mostly ignored).
"Nkemka, how are you?" he said.
"Ikenna?" I asked
"Yes," he laughs. "Who else
would it be?"
"Still a joker I see" I
replied laughing as well.
He had been gifted a puppy and he couldn't
help thinking of me as I was the only one he knew with an insane obsession for
dogs, and he thought I'll be the best person to name his dog. So random. I
obliged, gave him some options and we caught up on each other's lives as well.
He was happy and in love with his wife. Everything was great with him. Yet also
he said to me: you know I will always have a soft spot for you Nkemka. I loved
loving you, and I will always love you.
I admit it was a bit weird. But I awkwardly
responded: "Really? When I'm not Whitney Houston". A lame joke, I
know. But he laughed. Him making that statement did not get my heart beating
erratically or anything that serious because I was over him and I also
understood that his statement did not mean that he did not love his wife, or he
was looking to get me as a side chick or anything that sad. I was just the
"one person" for him. The one whose memory remained inside his bones
anyway.
The truth is, there is always that one person
who, no matter how hard you try and no matter how long it's been, will always
beat in your chest and breathe in your lungs; even if the love you shared with
the person did not last forever and you know you are not meant to be together.
Little things, from time to time, bring them back to your mind but you also
know that you are okay, happy and whole without them. Atimes you are tempted to
try and rekindle the romance, but with these kinds of people, it is just easier
to let sleeping dogs lie. Sometimes, we do not end up with the greatest love of
our lives, and that it is okay too.
Do you have that one person you will always
love or have a soft spot for, even though you are no longer together and you
have no intentions of bringing them back into your life? Share your experience
and let's hear your opinion. xo.
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About Nkem Ndem
Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and
editor who can be reached for online writing(web content and blog) and editing,
screenwriting, ghost writing, copy proofreading and reviews. She has since
worked with Jumia, SpiceTV AFRICA, Bella Naija and GLAMAFRICA. Check
out her Instagram: @kem_dem, twitter: @ndemv and snapchat:@ndemv.
Email: nkemndemv@gmail.com.
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