Parenting is both the
most difficult and most rewarding job. Kids don’t come with a manual, but if
they did it might include these questions you should get in the habit of asking
yourself.
Are
My Kids Having Fun?
Life
tends to get so busy that sometime we forget to prioritize play.
Am
I Having Fun?
Same
question (almost). If you are so busy chauffering and cooking and doing laundry
that you are forgetting to enjoy your children, you need to take a hard look at
your priorities.
Did
My Child Eat Well?
Consider
quality, not quantity. Were fruits and vegetables the bulk of the
diet? Great. Are you limiting too strictly? Every child needs to taste
cotton candy once.
Did
My Child Sleep Well?
Children
need their sleep. If they aren’t getting a reasonable amount of sleep they are
not thriving.
Did
My Child Learn Something?
This isn’t
the same as a getting good grades. It’s about being curious and excited to
learn anything from weaving to dinosaur names. Open their minds to the joy
of learning.
Did
My Child Successfully Negotiate Stress?
Kids need
to learn to recognize both how stress feels and how to reduce it in order to
navigate the adult world. If you never allow them to experience fear, failure,
or grit, they don’t get the opportunity to develop these skills.
Did
I Yell?
How did
you feel after yelling? How do you think your child felt?
Why
Did I Yell?
You know
yelling feels awful for both you and your child. Why do you do it? Some
part of you thinks that it works. Remind yourself that it is not the most
effective way.
Did
I Blame My Child?
If you
hear yourself saying “you make me so mad” or “you make mommy sad,” it is time
to take ownership of your feelings. “When you come home late I feel worried” or
“when you use that tone of voice I feel like you don’t respect me” would convey
your feelings without blaming your child for them.
Did
I Praise Enough?
It takes
seven positive comments to negate the effects of one negative. To build our
children’s confidence and self-esteem, we need to praise them more than we
might think.
Did
I Praise the Right Things?
Praising a
child for things like being smart or pretty is actually harmful to his ability
to become resilient. If the child thinks smart is something he is rather then
recognizing the grit he puts into learning something, when
he eventually is confronted by something that is harder to learn he might
think he isn’t smart rather than attempting to work it out.
Am
I Treating My Child’s Success as My Own?
Recognize
that if she is successful, it is her own. You don’t get to relive
your dreams of becoming a soccer player or ballet dancer through your child.
What
Do I Want My Children To Feel Today?
Important,
respected, and happy.
If
This Was My Last Day, What Would I Do Differently?
We have to
go to work and cook dinner and do homework but if we looked back on the day,
would we do it this way again? Did you laugh? Did you listen?
Did
I Do Something Today to Foster My Child’s Independence?
As your
child’s pre-frontal cortex develops a parent is tasked with balancing
independence with protection. What are you still doing for your child that
he could be doing for himself? Let him do it, it helps foster self-trust.
Am
I Parenting Out of Fear or Comfort?
Am I
moving towards something I want for my child or away from something I don’t
want? It is always more powerful to move toward.
Am
I Part of the Problem or Part of the Solution?
Are you
helping your child avoid things she doesn’t like doing? That is
encouraging avoidance. Instead be on her side encouraging her to develop
grit and perseverance.
What
Is My Most Important Role as a Parent?
Spend some
time thinking about this, then align all your parenting with that role.
Did
I Learn From My Mistakes?
We all
make them. Admit, then learn from them. Move on. Tomorrow is another day
and you need to model this for your children.
What
Am I Thankful For?
Reminding
ourselves of what we already have or do opens our minds to finding more great
things and opportunities as parents.
Lifehack.org
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