Remember
that upsetting moment in your twenties, when you realized that everything does
come down to Mom, Dad and Me? If you do, try not to forget it again, since it
is a revelation that will someday soon come to your children as well.
Being a parent, they say, is giving our kids two things – roots and wings.
Keeping a balance between those is what makes the task so unbelievably hard.
Misconceptions and unreasonable beliefs we endow our children with are rusty
tools, and as all that’s covertly damaging, they tend to stay. It’s an
inheritance they will pass on to their children, creating a vicious circle that
never ends. If your little girl is off to womanhood, be cautious but
determined, gentle but steady-handed, and never stop learning how to be better.
In fact, start right away, and find out what never to say to your lady to be.
1. You’re a little young for that
Young girls never lack responsibility. It’s not a gender myth
that they are more meditative and ruminative then boys. Every child dreams and
fantasises, but girls actually plan their future from a very early age. If you
ask a kid what it would like to be when they grow up, a boy will tell you “an
astronaut” or “a magician”, but a girl’s answer will be different. Their
aspirations towards becoming teachers, nurses and actresses (which are usually
the answers), show not a shortage of imagination and ambition, but exactly the
opposite – their instinct to be solid and level-headed. With that being sad, be
mindful of the fact that most girls do get the wedding of their young dreams,
marry a man that resembles their childhood prince and achieve professional success
in a field within reach of their goals. Therefore, if your girl decides to
confide her hopes and desires to you, never underestimate their potency.
Instead of telling her not to rush, help her embark on her journey. Support her
determination and nurture it. Doing anything less would break her confidence
and make her unsure of her own judgement. As an alternative, tell her this: “You
can achieve whatever you want if you work hard, consider obstacles and learn
how to overcome them.”
2. Lower
your expectations
In the
spirit of that, you should learn to recognize your girl’s potential early on,
and never mistake greatness of talent for childish delusions. If by any chance,
your sassy little lady comes forth with a wish of becoming something very
specific and unusual for a child, like a painter, a horse rider or a
psychologist, that only means that her interests are multifarious and her
enthusiasm exceptional. Instead of advising her to lower her expectations and
stick to being a child, enable her to explore her flair. Help her learn more
about her wishes and find out for herself is she’s apt for realizing them. To
cut her wings from the beginning would teach her to stay satisfied with what
she already has, and never to reach for more. If a girl is not allowed to get
to know her potentials and perceive a strength to outdo them, she will never
reach fulfilment and self-realization. Let her find inspiration in powerful
women, and support her to be ahead of her time. When we do the best we
can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of
another, would be Helen Keller’s first lesson.
3. That’s a job for a man
The most common barrier on the young girls’ road to
professional and intimate development is simultaneously the biggest and most
harmful gender misconception – there are jobs for men and jobs for women, and
the line between them should not be crossed. Unfortunately, sexism is not yet
surpassed, and is to be detected in fathers and mothers both. As a social
illness, sexual discrimination has let its roots far and deep, and your efforts
to rip them out will never be completely successful. The least you can do is
teach your girl not to stumble upon them. Naturally, you will have to set an
example and preach gender equality in your kitchen and garage both. For a
father, that means introducing a girl to power tools, sports and stick driving.
For a mother it means not keeping a girl over a sink and a washing machine. The
more she learns about both worlds, the more she will be equipped for independence.
With words as simple as Nobody can tell you what you’re suited for and
for what you’re not, you’re preparing her to deal with this problem outside
of the nest.
4. You’re wasting your time
Another frequent mistake we’re making as parents is not
giving a chance to our children to waste time. What is meant by that is trying
different things in life, even when we already know that they will be
fruitless. A little angel or a high-strung teenager, your girl will most
certainly come in the phase of her young life when she would want to take a
year off to backpack through Europe, learn how to play bass guitar or try
earning some extra money for herself by waitressing in a cafe. Even if her idea
doesn’t look like a productive way of preparing for future adulthood, it’s an
inevitable part of her road to maturation. To her gentle heart, You’re
wasting your time meansDo whatever you want, but I’m looking
forward to saying “I’ve told you so”. Unfortunately for parents, young
people are so busy growing up that they don’t have much time to think about
what we actually meant to say. Therefore, try telling her this: If
you’re certain that you’ve thought things through, have a go, and we will
examine the process and figure out the next step together.
5. I’ll do that for you
When our kids are still so young that we can smell that sweet
baby odour on them, we tend to be a little too overprotective. That burning
desire to keep them as safe and unburdened as possible usually doesn’t lessen
even when they grow up. However irresistible it may be to parents to solve all
of their children’s problems for them, on the long road, it may do more harm
than good. Now, telling your growing-up girl not to worry, and finishing her
house chores or doing other difficult tasks instead of her will not raise many
arguments. She would hardly complain at all, at least until she’s old enough to
acknowledge all of the consequences of such pedagogical measures. Before that
time comes, I’ll do that will make her highly dependent, given
that she won’t be able to obtain many skills and practical knowledge for
herself. On the verge of her self-reliance, she will feel lost, confused and
incompetent for her fully-grown existence. So, be smart and think likely
instead of allowing your instincts to take over. For that, Try for
yourself, and I’ll help you if you can’t do it is entirely
appropriate.
6. That’s not very ladylike of you
Having a girl is the most delightful experience a parent can
have. Delightful, because of all of the ribbons, stuffed unicorns and doll
dresses laying around the house – or at least that’s what parents expect.
Gender differences are beautiful and exciting revelations every kid will
discover on its journey through adolescence, but sometimes they are imposed
and, therefore, exhausting. Painting your baby girl’s room all pink is one
thing, but expecting her to fit into your image of a perfect little lady is
another. Often, parents are prone to following gender codes and general beliefs
created by society and leave little space for a child to develop its own gender
identity. For that reason, what you may think is ladylike, your girl can
experience as unnecessary preconception. If she likes wearing baggy clothes and
enjoys punk, there’s no rule against it. Instead of forcing her to be something
publicly considered as feminine, support her to be nothing more than herself.
Her unusual choices have nothing to do with her intellect and humanness, and
ultimately, that’s all that matters.
7. Don’t worry your pretty little head
Adolescence is the most terrifying ride for both parents and
the child. By experiencing the world of womanhood for the first time, and
drinking her first cup of intolerance and injustice right after her first shot
of tequila, a young girl can be utterly startled with what she feels. Puberty
is confusing and messy, and constant mood swings and anxiousness are the least
a parent can expect. That being the case, Don’t worry so much is
the most potentially troublesome, triggering line a pubescent girl can hear. It
creates the widest gap between a parent and a child, and is, for that reason,
always followed with You don’t understand me. So try to! And if you
can’t, at least let her know that you’re doing your best. In this blossoming
age, a girl needs her safety-net the most, so be sure that she knows that she
can find one in you. Otherwise, slamming the door will be just the beginning of
ongoing misunderstanding between two sides. By telling her I understand,
you’re showing her that you respect her emotions, and are willing to listen and
give advice and help whenever she needs it.
8. Look up to her!
While she is little, there’s barely a thing more exciting for
a girl then trying to look like her older sister, cousin or a family friend.
Even her mom’s closet seems like a world of infinite potentials. But those
things change once your daughter starts acquiring her own identity. Being a
teenager is an exhausting quest for uniqueness. For a young woman anxious to
discover her place under the sun, any sort of comparison to another girl is a source
of frustration. Imagine being in a state when you don’t fully grasp who you
actually are and who you’re supposed to be, while someone persistently trying
to compare you to a different person. Nerve-racking, isn’t it? By pushing
her to look, behave or simply be like someone else, you’re tearing down what’s
already a shaken image of her individuality. Therefore, whenever you think of
establishing a good role-model for your little girl, start from yourself. As an
alternative to Look up to her, say nothing at all, and actually
give her an example to regard on a daily basis.
9. Try not to eat so much
Talking of puberty, another thing a parent should never
neglect is a girl’s growing sense of her body. Adolescence is a phase of
familiarisation with a physical being, and for a girl, that means constant
struggle with images imposed by popular culture. It’s a time of insecurities,
self-doubt and lack of confidence. The last thing a woman to be needs is for
her closest to meddle. Therefore, approach her body issues with the greatest
caution and thoughtfulness. Never tempt her to eat more if you notice she’s on
a diet, but take interest in the matter and advise her to talk to a
nutritionist and eat healthier food. Such advice is proper in opposite case as
well. If you notice she’s been neglecting her body and putting on weight, be
subtle about it. Instead of Don’t eat that junk, get informed on
other choices of nutrition, and gradually implement them in your family
routine. Also, inspire her to exercise more, and do that by setting an example
yourself.
10. You’re too good for him
This tender age can be a bit more difficult for girls than it
is for boys in one way. Rejections and heartbreaks are severe for both, but
they can leave some serious, long-lasting marks on a girl’s heart. Besides
that, it’s somewhat harder for a girl to introduce her chosen one to a family.
Parents are usually more protective over girls once they start exploring their
sexuality, and their love choices are traditionally unfitting to parent’s anticipations.
Even if you notice how mismatched your girl and her sweetheart are, never voice
your opinion directly. Instead of You’re too good for him or You’re
not a good pair, show interest in him, and motivate your daughter to
confess to you whenever she has a problem of intimate nature. If it does occur,
encourage her to understand where it comes from. As an alternative for
categorically rejecting her beloved, try explaining that every individual is
unique, and sometimes differences between the two can’t be surpassed. Be
absolutely careful that your attitude towards your girl’s boyfriend isn’t
formed with prejudice about his social status, family or appearance.
However lovely it may seem, raising a daughter is an
emotional roller-coaster. Girls pay attention to what you say and, mind you,
how you say it. Regardless of how tired and frustrated you are, remember to
take a deep breath and count to ten before making a statement she won’t forget.
Words are a powerful tool, and the right choice of them will foster a girl with
a mind, a woman with an attitude, and a lady with class.
You can also read: Tips To Boost Your Child’s Confidence (And Not Their Arrogance)
You can also read: Tips To Boost Your Child’s Confidence (And Not Their Arrogance)
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