I have always been deathly afraid of ghosts. I don't know why.
As a child, the easiest way to terrify or creep me out was to suggest that a ghost was lurking around. I would literally become your slave in exchange for protection. One of my sisters really took advantage of this fear that I had. She would just simply say "Ojuju will catch you" and I'd become paralyzed or freeze in whatever position I was in, then she would get me to do whatever she wanted or stay away from a part of the house she didn't want me going. I don't remember how we came up with the word "Ojuju" and why I understood it to mean "a ghost", but it worked for a long time.
As a child, the easiest way to terrify or creep me out was to suggest that a ghost was lurking around. I would literally become your slave in exchange for protection. One of my sisters really took advantage of this fear that I had. She would just simply say "Ojuju will catch you" and I'd become paralyzed or freeze in whatever position I was in, then she would get me to do whatever she wanted or stay away from a part of the house she didn't want me going. I don't remember how we came up with the word "Ojuju" and why I understood it to mean "a ghost", but it worked for a long time.
This background perception and fear of
ghosts was probably what kicked in the first time I came across the
word "ghosting". Someone had mentioned it in a conversation and the
first thing I imagined was it involving some form of witchcraft or diabolism.
Perhaps one partner would use the other for rituals or steal their destiny.
Yes. I know. I blame it on too much 'Nollywood' growing up. Oh yes, and my
mother too. She has such morbid stories.
Fortunately, I later found out from the Urban Dictionary that
"ghosting" simply was "the act of suddenly ceasing all
communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to
date...done in hopes that the ghostee will just 'get the hint' and leave the
subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no
longer interested." It sounds childish, doesn't it? But we have all been
there: You go on a date, everything is great. He calls you three times a day,
sends you voice notes and text messages that get you grinning from
ear to ear, sings you to sleep every night...you even share deep
secrets and talk about the kind of future you envisage, the number of children
you want e.t.c. But out of the blues, maybe after a few weeks or even months of
being together, he disappears. No phone call. No E-mail. No DM. Not even a
text! And not only that, he stops picking your call and all your efforts to
reach him are ignored and treated with silence.
It hurts. Really hurts.
I mean, you probably may not have even been particularly attached
or invested in the moron, but for him/her to vanish without an explanation? It
stings.
Nothing makes you question your self-worth like a love interest
that disappears, without any explanation at all.
You are trapped in a cesspool of confusion : What if
they were involved in an accident and their corpse is lying somewhere on Ibadan
Expressway? What if they lost their phone and cannot retrieve old contacts?
Should you be worried? Should you be upset? Should you keep trying to reach
them or just respect yourself and move on?
You go crazy with irrational anxiety and constant checking of
their Whatsapp's Last Seen...because you want to know what is going on! And
when you eventually realize that you have been left in the lurch and ghosted –
maybe you finally notice their activity on social media, or a friend
of a friend lets you know that they (love interest) are over you-
you start to question the genuineness of the relationship you had, why you
didn't see it coming. You question yourself, your self-worth
as well, because you have been deprived of the closure you get from
expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining
your self-esteem.
The funny thing is that people who ghost others (ghosters)
actually believe that they are doing the 'ghostee' a favour. They are
cutting out the awkwardness of the conversation they would have to have with
them to end the relationship, and saving them from the hurt of being rejected.
In reality, though, they are doing more emotional and
psychological damage. Of course, texting someone something like: 'Hey, I am
over you. I don't want to do this anymore. Don't contact me anymore, and good
luck with the rest of your life" would suck, but at least they would know
to move on.
Ghosting is a reflection of a person's level of maturity. People
who are immature, self-centered and dramatic usually are the ones with the
knack for ghosting. They are just interested in what they want and what works
for them, no matter who gets hurt.
Also, cowards who cannot express the way they feel with words. But can we
really blame them? If they meet someone with the hope of getting something
beautiful, but end up with a toxic fellow who is clingy, bossy or just
suffocating, should they be blamed for just disappearing and not handling the
situation properly?
At the end of the day, the whole ghosting thing sucks. You have to
remember that the act says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and
instead tells everything about the ghoster. They do not have the maturity
to be in a healthy relationship with you, so all that's left for you to do is
let them go peacefully and maintain your dignity.
Dwelling on the whys and how will only rob you of a better future
because you will develop trust issues and shut yourself off from another
relationship.
On the other hand, those who have the knack for ghosting should
realize that they are horrible people. By refusing someone that little respect
that comes with giving them closure, even if the interaction with them had been
short or fleeting, you're robbing them of so much self-esteem and self-worth.
Be better.
Have you ghosted anyone or been ghosted before? Share your
experience and thoughts.
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